I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
