Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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