so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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