im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
