if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
