i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think i have herpe
just one?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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