Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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