My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
