It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
