I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
