my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
