Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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