Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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