Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
