Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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