i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize