just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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