You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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