If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
