HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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