Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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