so let's talk penis.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
