the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
