I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
