Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
