Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
