I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
