I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize