I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
