im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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