I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
