god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
