Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
