Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize