having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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