I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
