that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
