somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
