wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
