using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
