Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
