When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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