so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
