Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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