What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm like, not good at living.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
