True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
