yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
