I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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