He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
