those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize