Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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