i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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