bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
