AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
