Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
