Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
