Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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