and next time when you feel me up, do it right
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
