Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
