And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
