I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
