dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
