she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
