i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize