She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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