wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
