Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize