can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
