I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
