Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
