There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
