you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
