RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
