I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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