It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize