I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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