If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
