I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
