Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
