WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize