Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
