Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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