Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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