i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
