just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
