it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
