Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
