Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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