woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
