Soap is not a condiment
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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