Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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