I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
