Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
