I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
