But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
