I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
