You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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