im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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